


Scarlet

by valentine192



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Comedy, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Family Drama, First Dates, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gentleness, Good Loki, Inspired by Music, Laufey's A+ Parenting, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Music, Protective Thor, Romantic Angst, Romantic Comedy, Thor Is Not Stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2505362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valentine192/pseuds/valentine192
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A job offer brings Thor out of the life that he adored and brought him to city that he believed that he could not love. However, it was within the walls of that city that he found someone who he desired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, prequel to "Scarlet Tears," but this can be read alone :)

The night was cold and the wind was playful. The stars shone brightly in the night sky, the moon hidden behind the clouds. The parking was almost empty, a quiet Wednesday night. A typical Wednesday night.

 

Thor stepped out of his car. The wind brushed his hair which flew freely in the air. And, as he closed the door of the car, he pushed his hands into his pocket and clutched his cellphone. He needed something to hold, something to tell him that everything will be okay. Staring into the sky, he sighed. New job, new life, new everything. He was recruited by the company _Obsidian,_ a organisation dealing with computers, just recently. And despite this new city being beautiful, he knew nothing of it except that it was exceptionally clean and not his home. The people, however, were kind but they seemed foreign to him. He did not want to leave his home, he only accepted the offer because he was given a good position and an exceptional salary. And everyone needs money to live, but Thor was questioning if he made the right choice of picking this new job over his home. Over his family and friends. And, maybe, even over him. When he first arrived at the city, he was excited and persistent to learn everything. He spent his time after work going around the city and getting lost. It felt like an adventure, but he felt as if he was on this adventure alone. Though his coworkers were friendly, they were still different.

 

Running his hand through his hair, Thor walked into the restaurant called _Azure Thai._ It was a restaurant which his coworker recommended and they were supposed to go have dinner together, but family emergencies called his coworker away from him. And, thinking about family, Thor’s big heart shrunk. He missed his family. And, though he was already a grown man of twenty-seven, he never really moved out of his family’s big house because they enjoyed each other’s company.

 

The restaurant, obviously Thai, did not seem completely Asian inside. Instead, it looked like a modern and laid back cafe. It’s walls, painted black and cream, were relaxing as comfortable jazz played from the speakers. The bar was rather classy, the waiters dressed in black, and people were chattering quietly with their wine. A man at the corner waved at Thor. He was wearing a suit, his glasses thick as a laptop sat in front of him. He was Asian, and so Thor assumed that he was the owner. So Thor waved back. Maybe he could befriend the man and get discounts.

 

Thor shook his head at his own silly idea.

 

A man, dressed in black and presumably one of the waiters, walked to Thor and asked, “Good evening, sir. Table for how many?”

 

“Uhm…” Thor scratched the back of his head and said, “Just me. I’m new here.” He was used to eating alone, but the place was too fancy that Thor felt rather uneasy. Though he was wearing a button up shirt and looked as if he came from a men’s magazine, he just was not comfortable in the city yet. And he would rather eat in a McDonalds if he was going to be alone.

 

“This way,” the waiter gestured further into the restaurant and led Thor to one of the tables in the middle. Thor thanked the waiter with a smile, and the waiter, smiling as well, handed Thor a menu. “Your server would be with you shortly.” Thor, again, thanked the waiter and, when the waiter disappeared, looked at the menu.

 

Thor scrunched his nose and frowned at the menu. What was he even doing in a Thai restaurant? He never ate Thai before. What he loved was Viet food and sushi. Yes, he should have just gotten take out at the sushi place near his apartment. Thor sighed and placed the menu down. He should just leave. A quiet, lonely evening at home seemed much better than a quiet, lonely evening at this restaurant.

 

“Hi, sir! How are you doing tonight?”

 

Thor cringed at the voice. It was too happy, and he was not in the mood to be happy. However, he was raised to have good manners and to be kind - well, at least, to strangers and people in authority - and since whoever this man was was, obviously, a stranger, Thor forced himself to smile. When he looked up, his smile turned from fake to charmed.

 

“Oh, hi!” said Thor as he grinned at - judging from the all-black uniform - waiter. “I was just going through the menu and, honestly, I have never had Thai food before.”

 

The waiter, whose face was as pale as the moon, leaned down to Thor. His eyes, a mix of blue and green, mesmerised Thor in a way that only few people could do. And his body, slim, made Thor’s eyes travel south. Though Thor was openly bisexual, he had problems distinguishing if a person was gay, bi, or straight. His friends joked that his gaydar was useless, and Thor believed that as well for he did not know if he had a chance with this wonderful man who was just a few inches away from him. And, with the man’s hair pulled up, Thor managed to steal a glimpse of that long, thin, tempting neck. Though the waiter smelled like Thai food, Thor likened the scent to ambrosia. 

 

He was stricken.

 

The waiter turned the menu to the back and showed the “Best sellers list.” He pointed to the first one and said, “A crowd favourite. Pad Thai,” and he explained the dish to Thor even if nothing entered Thor’s head. But when he finished talking, Thor asked about every single item in the list. The waiter, never once loosing his smile, explained every dish. When they reached the end of the list, the waiter asked, “Are any of those to your fancy?”

 

Thor’s smile widened because, seriously, who uses “fancy” in that way? This waiter, obviously, was very classy and educated. What was he doing as a waiter? Did his family have problems financially? Was he still in college? Thor didn’t know. He didn’t even know if he, himself, was older or younger, but he knew that he was stricken. And so he pointed to a random item in the menu and ordered it.

 

“Excellent choice, sir,” said the waiter. “Also, would you have anything to drink?” The waiter playfully winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll make your drink so you won’t have to worry about anyone spiking it.”

 

Thor laughed. “That would be great. I’ll just have a-” Thor was about to say beer, but he wanted to seem classy as well. “Chardonnay.”

 

“Hmm… another crowd favourite.” The waiter took the menu and excused himself. And Thor found himself watching the waiter the whole night. The waiter, though having a number of customers, would constantly check on him, and Thor, every single time, would be mesmerised by those eyes.

 

As the night progressed - Thor having ordered desert which he could not finish but was forcing to finish - learned a lot about the waiter. Actually, he only noticed one thing, and that was the switch in personality. The whole time while on the floor, the waiter was the friendliest man in the whole compound. However, whenever he would enter the kitchen - the door of which had a small window to give a preview of what was going inside - that smile would disappear and the joyful aura of the waiter would turn into a heavy, deep, mysterious mask. And Thor found that side of the waiter more alluring. The waiter, obviously, was only smiling and being friendly because it was required of him.

 

When Thor finally paid and whatnot, he waited for the waiter to return again, but the waiter did not return anymore. He just disappeared. So Thor, sadly, sighed. He stood up and walked to leave. When the usher greeted him, he smiled because it was the same man who sat him. So he asked, “Hey, where is my waiter? I want to greet him for being an amazing host.”

 

The man’s eyes pleasingly widened, “Oh, that’s Loki! Let me call him for you.” The man walked to the bar and Thor fought against his own blush as the waiter’s name brought him to Heaven. The usher, standing by the bar with Thor beside him, shouted, “Loki!”

 

One of the waiters, whose head was in this small refrigerator which carried only beer, jumped. He hit his head and when he pulled out, he rubbed the back of his head and cursed, “Fuck.” It was Loki. He did not notice Thor but he glared at his coworker. “Seriously? Did you not see what I was doing?”

 

The usher rolled his eyes and pointed his thumb at Thor. When Loki saw him, as if he was programmed to do it, a smile spread across Loki’s face. He stood up and said, “Hi, sir! Was everything to your liking?”

 

Thor grinned. “Everything was impeccable. I shall need to leave now so I wanted to thank you for the night.”

 

Loki bowed and Thor lightly laughed. Loki, apparently, had Asian manners be brushed onto him that Thor wondered if he himself noticed it. It did not matter, though, it was amusing. And Thor waved his hand, saying, “Good night.”

 

Loki tilted his head to the side and said, “Good night.”

 

Thor walked out of the restaurant with new hopes for the city.

 

+++

 

Loki walked to Thor’s table and took the bill. When he peeked inside, he smirked. There was a $20 tip. Then, Loki sadly sighed, thinking, “Since when have I turned like this? Oh yeah, since I moved here.”

 

+++

 

Their little meetings continued for a month until Thor asked Loki if he wanted to hang out with him because he was new in the city. Loki, honestly, felt as if he was new as well. Though he has been at the city for a year already, he barely got out because of work and work and work. However, Loki needed the money and he needed Thor’s tips. So he said, “Sure. I would love to.” He also wanted to ask, “Are you into me?” but he didn’t anymore. Loki even asked himself if he was obviously gay.

 

+++

 

They sat at the corner of a cafe and Thor could not help but watch Loki.

 

Loki was sitting in front of Thor but his eyes were on the singer. The lights were dimmed, thus adding more mystery to the man in front of them. It was already night and they were supposed to meet that morning, but Loki was called to work because his coworker suddenly got sick. So they decided for dinner and Thor did not find it frustrating because Loki was still rather gorgeous even if he did not really fix himself - well, the man just got out of work.

 

Loki was dressed in a green cardigan, his black uniform beneath him. And Loki wore thick rimmed glasses, one that Thor has never seen Loki wear before. His chin was resting on his hand and a straw was in Loki’s mouth. Loki ordered for mango juice and Thor just had a soda while they waited for their meals which Thor insisted was his treat.

 

Suddenly, Loki looked at Thor. His face was serious, the very same seriousness that Thor has seen only when he was in the kitchen and that time he hit his head because of his coworker. Loki pushed his bangs away. His hair was still pulled up and the people were too engrossed with the singer who was singing a cover of Jason Mraz’s songs. The one currently being played was _Butterfly._

 

_And I never forget a face_

_Except for maybe my own, I have my days_

_And lets face the fact here_

_It's you who's got it all_

 

_You know that fortune favors the brave_

_Well let me get paid while I make your breakfast_

_The rest is up to you, you make the call_

 

 

 

 

Loki brushed his bangs _again_ and said, “I want us to have a serious conversation before we get even deeper into the night.”

 

Thor nodded as he felt himself being seduced by Loki’s choice of words. Because, seriously, did anyone truly talk like that these days? It was the 21st century already, and people spoke words like “lol” and “smh.” Thor said, “Okay.” He wasn’t nervous - not at all.

 

“You’re not stupid, I’m sure of it.”

 

Thor closed his mouth and cocked a brow. This Loki, outside of his job, was rather frank.

 

“You know that I’m just friendly and shit because I have no choice, right? Being a waiter, my livelihood depends on my tips so I have to suck up to every single fucking customer. Also, my boss would fire me if I don’t live up to his expectations.”

 

Thor listened, but he couldn’t help but notice that Loki’s vocabulary was _definitely_ colourful. He could be all sunshine to darkness in just a few seconds.

 

“And you told me time and time again that you’re new here, Yes, I get it that you’re trying to get around and make friends, but don’t expect me to be all sunshine because I’m not. The sun disgusts me.”

 

Thor smiled. “I never expected anything.”

 

Loki let his head fall to the side as he watched Thor, inspecting Thor’s blue eyes to see if the man was lying. Then, he said, “You still expected something. What is it?”

 

“I expected to make a friend.”

 

Loki leaned on his seat and slouched. This side was definitely different from all the class that Thor has seen because he was seeing a rebel - a gorgeous rebel. “You serious?” asked Loki.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What if I tell you I’m gay?”

 

Thor shrugged as he hid his glee from hearing that because that meant that he had a chance. Nonchalantly, he said, “I’m bisexual and single.”

 

Loki smirked. “You are one entertaining ass.”

 

_You got it all,_

_You got it all,_

_You got it all,_

 

Thor mirrored the smirk and said, “Who tips you $20 every time I come over.”

 

Loki’s eyes gleamed as he found himself entertained. “Fine. You win.”

 

When the food came, Thor said, “So, shall we get to know each other?”

 

Loki’s back was straight, the way he held his utensils perfect. He was back to being classy that Thor stared. It was as if he was seeing two sides of a coin, but it was, indeed, fascinating. It just made him want to know more about Loki, and he hoped that Loki wanted to know more about him as well.

 

“Know each other?” asked Loki. “Okay, who starts?”

 

Thor smiled and cut his steak. “Tell me about yourself.”

 

Loki smirked as he took a sip from his juice. Before Loki could answer, a waiter came and served them the wine that Thor ordered. “Chardonnay again?” asked Loki. “You must be fond of it.”

 

Again, Loki was speaking like he was from a different time and it pulled Thor deeper into his spell. Thor said, “I am,” _because of you._

 

“Well,” Loki placed his hands on his knees and said, “I’m a writer. I published five books already but you know how the publishing world is like. Publishers get most of your income and it’s hard to compete with _Harry Potter_ and _Wuthering Heights._ ”

 

“That’s interesting,” said Thor.

 

Loki rolled his eyes, “Yes, stereotypical artist. I do my art and do a crappy job on the side to support myself. Call me crazy.”

 

Thor shook his head. “No, I call you amazing.”

 

Loki smirked again. “Are you hitting on me?”

 

“I tip you $20 all the time.”

 

Loki leaned closer to Thor and seductively said, “I’m more expensive than that, sir.”

 

Thor’s lids grew heavy. He leaned towards Loki and pressed the wineglass to his lips. Slowly, he sipped his wine and Loki sensually licked his lower lips as he watched the wine slide into Thor’s mouth. When Thor placed the wineglass down, he also licked his lips and said, “What’s your price?”

 

Loki placed a slim finger against Thor’s lips and said, “What if I said your soul?”

 

Thor growled to the finger and fought against his desire to bite it. They were, after all, in a public place and he was certain that he could get arrested for having sex in public. So he just said, “Then I offer it to you.”

 

Loki smiled and pulled away. “You probably have women and men crawling by your feet.”

 

“But I only want to crawl by yours.”

 

They spent the remainder of the night flirting. Thor asked Loki if he wanted to go to a bar, but Loki needed to write. So Thor let him be. Thor even asked for a goodnight kiss, but Loki just whispered to his ear. “I’m a tease, nothing more. If I take your soul, I’ll only bring you down to hell with me while leaving your body on earth.”

 

And at that very moment, Thor suddenly found the notion of hell to be unbelievably sexy that he would rather burn there than be in Heaven if it meant that he could have Loki.

 

+++

 

Thor continued to visit Loki every Wednesday night, and Thor was amazed by how Wednesday suddenly became a wonderful day. Also, on Saturday nights, he would take Loki out to dinner. However, Loki stayed true to his word - he only flirted and nothing more. Whenever Thor would try to kiss him, Loki would move away and trace his lips with his finger. But no kiss. It made Thor furious, but Loki’s teasing succeeded in making Thor’s chains heavy for Thor has already been enslaved by his words.

 

+++

 

One night, as Thor walked into the restaurant, he frowned when he received a different waiter. He asked her, “Where’s Loki?” He was worried . Did Loki get into an accident? Was he sick? Has he been fired? Or did Loki intentionally avoid Thor?

 

“Oh…” the girl bit her lower lip then said, “He resigned yesterday.”

 

+++

 

That very same night, as the time on the electronic clock was blinking 9:34pm, a loud knocking was echoing through the small apartment. The bookshelves were full, but a sole shelf was empty as the books were laid out on the coffee table. Clothes were on the sofa, and thai food was on the table near the kitchen that was dirtier than usual. By the sofa, sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, was Loki. He was wearing his glasses, his laptop on his knees. His headphones kept him safe from the noise as his fingers tapped against the keyboard, and his cellphone was in his bedroom and silenced. He didn’t want to go through the messages, and he just wanted to escape. But when the clock on his laptop said 10:12pm and the knocking still hasn’t stopped, Loki sighed. He put his laptop down, removed his headphones, and walked to the door. He asked, “How did you even know that I’m here? I could have been on the other side of the world already.”

 

“Let me in, Loki! We need to talk!” shouted Thor from the other side of the door.

 

Rolling his eyes, Loki unlocked the door which suddenly opened, almost hitting Loki on the face, but Thor was too angry to notice. He just closed the door and glared at Loki. “Why didn’t you tell me about this? We were talking last night!”

 

Loki blankly stared at Thor.

 

“Talk to me!”

 

Loki didn’t react.

 

“Loki!”

 

Loki _still_ didn’t react. He just stared at Thor with empty, broken eyes.

 

“Loki!”

 

Still _nothing._

 

Thor punched the wall and growled. And that was when he got a reaction from Loki, but it was not his desired reaction for Loki turned his back to Thor and said, “Leave me alone.”

 

Thor’s jaw dropped. “What? We need to talk!”

 

Loki walked to his room and Thor followed, but Loki slammed the door on Thor’s nose and locked it. Angry and tired, Thor grunted but he didn’t shout anymore. Instead, he sat on the floor and pushed his back on its wooden surface. Taking a deep breath, he fell asleep. If Loki wasn’t going to talk to him, he won’t let that happen. So he would rather wait.

 

+++

 

That morning, Thor woke up on the floor. The door to the bedroom was open and Loki was on his bed staring at Thor. Shirtless, Loki’s pale skin glowed despite the darkness of the room. He smirked and gestured for Thor to go to him, and Thor did so. Thor asked, “What time is it?”

 

Loki looked at his phone and said, “7am. I was waiting for you to wake up.”

 

“I thought you don’t wake up until noon?”

 

“Because I sleep at four, but I slept ridiculously early last night.”

 

Thor sat beside Loki and ran his hand through his hair. It was his first time in Loki’s room because he’s only ever been to the living room. And so he took the opportunity to look around. The walls were blank, painted white and nothing. And it was empty unlike the living room which was cluttered with stuff, the same way his mind was cluttered with numerous questions. So Thor rubbed the back of his head, his eyes wandering to the pale skin in front of him. Then, he said, “I’m sorry about last night.”

 

Loki leaned onto the headboard of the bed and stared at Thor with those very same empty eyes that he showed Thor the night before. Slowly, he brought his hand to his neck and started rubbing it as his eyes travelled across the room. Quietly, he said, “I just didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t know how you’d react.”

 

Thor bit his lower lip then asked, “What do you mean? I’m sure it was obvious that I’ll be devastated and would want to know your reason.”

 

“Actually, yes, that’s exactly why I didn’t want to talk to you.” Loki rubbed his eyes and lowered his head. “Thor, let’s stop this. I don’t want to bring you down with me.”

 

It was Thor’s time to stare. “What do you mean? Did you quit because of me?” He reached for Loki’s hand which stiffened at Thor’s touch, but that didn’t push Thor away as he entwined their fingers. And he said, “Talk to me.”

 

A simple yet sad smile spread across Loki’s face. “My novel reached number one and I was computing things last night. I could finally stop waitering. I can do this full time now.”

 

And at that moment, Thor could honestly tell people that that was the most wonderful news that he has heard since arriving in that lonely city. It was more wonderful than hearing that his sister was engaged, more wonderful than getting a raise, and more wonderful than that time when his boss lost a bet to him and had to treat everyone in the building. Yes, truly, that news made Thor grin like a fool but he couldn’t care about how he looked. He was happy, too happy that he didn’t notice the sadness in Loki’s smile. And too happy that he took Loki’s face in his hands and pushed their lips together.

 

Never did he know that that was Loki’s first kiss. And neither expected that Loki’s luck with his novels flew higher than what they could have dreamed.

 

+++

 

Thor’s apartment was more spacious than Loki’s and, despite people’s perception, his apartment was cleaner as well. But Loki found it boring, saying that it lacked art. And when Thor pointed out that Loki’s apartment was a complete mess that had no art whatsoever, Loki argued that the mess was his own way of being creative. And Thor shook his head at that but, however, he still found it rather adorable.

 

Thor’s apartment, despite the lack of art, was filled with pictures. Pictures from his childhood, pictures of his family - memories. Wonderful memories that Thor always dreamed of reliving just because it were his memories and he grew up attached to his family.

 

In the bedroom, the two lovers lay clothed. Thor was on his back, Loki’s head was on his chest, his ear listening to Thor’s calming heartbeats. Though Loki never admitted it, he found that simple beating to be honest and beautiful. It was perfect.

 

The speakers were singing to them, the song _Gorilla,_ Bruno Mars.

 

_I bet you never ever felt so good, so good_

_I got your body trembling like it should, it should_

_You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you_

 

Thor glanced down at Loki whose eyes were closed, fingers lazily drawing patterns on Thor’s bare chest. Thor closed his eyes and wondered if they were ready to do the deed already. Although Thor has done it with a man before, Loki admitted that he was still a virgin. And, honestly, Thor didn’t believe that but, after knowing Loki more, he realised that one truly should not judge because people wear more than one masks to cover themselves up. And Loki, definitely, was one of those people who wore hundreds of masks at a time. Thor, however, wasn’t. He would rather be direct and honest, but, at that moment, he could not be honest with his own desires that were threatening to burst. He has imagined how it would be like to have Loki underneath him and he has woken up to unpleasant erections. But if Loki wasn’t ready, then he’ll wait and use his hand. But how would he even know if Loki was ready?

 

Thor rubbed Loki’s shoulder and asked, “Love, what are you thinking?”

 

“The chapter of this book I’m writing right now. It’s shit. Transition is horrible.” Loki sat up and stared at the wall as he continued to talk. And though Thor was paying attention, Thor’s eyes were on Loki’s back, specifically at the skin that was being exposed beneath his shirt that has ridden up. And Loki’s ass cheeks were just there, covered by those blasted denims. And, as if he was being punished, the song changed to a cover of _I’m sexy and I know it._

 

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body_

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body_

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body_

 

And Thor was definitely looking at that body.

 

_I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it_

 

But Thor was trying to control that _passion in his pants,_ but he has been waiting for months already. Just courting Loki was long enough for him to marry his hand, and to constantly kiss Loki and have their bodies touch was torture already. And since they started sleeping over at each other’s apartments, waking up beside Loki was enough to make him rush to the bathroom to deal with his little friend.

 

“Thor, what do you think?” Loki turned his head to Thor but Thor was too engrossed with Loki’s ass that Loki frowned. “Thor.”

 

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah_

 

“Yeah, I definitely want to wiggle that.”

 

Loki’s cheeks turned red, and Thor’s face turned redder. The shade even spread to Thor’s neck and chest as he realised what he just said. Internally, he cursed his own choice of songs and vowed to clear his iTunes later, damning that bloody song to his recycle bin.

 

“What?” said Loki.

 

“Loki, I…” Thor rubbed the back of his head and decided that he was going to be honest. “It’s just… Well, we haven’t done it yet.”

 

Loki stared at Thor again, his eyes becoming that empty beauty once more. And so when he stood up from the bed, Thor grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down on the bed. “I’m not asking for anything!” Thor shouted. “If you want to wait, I’ll wait. If you don’t want to do it ever, fine!”

 

Loki kept on staring and Thor felt as if those eyes were enough to kill him because, despite the emptiness, there was a threat that Thor should not even dare to pass his walls. Then, Loki said, “How could you stand me?”

 

“What do you mean?” Thor was taken aback.

 

“I have masks, too many of them. I’m ambitious and I’m a workaholic. I spend hours on the laptop and, when I’m not working, all that I can think about are those books and finding the perfect plot and the most amazing characters. And I left my family. I have never had a boyfriend except for you. I have very little friends who I trust. All the while people think that I’m this person who has no problems.”

 

Thor nodded. “That’s what I thought, too, but I would rather have you like this than have you be fake. Can’t you see that?”

 

Loki tried to stand up again but Thor, once more, pulled him down on the bed. And, annoyed, Thor shouted, “Can’t you see that I love you?”

 

Loki stiffened.

 

“Loki?”

 

“Let me go!” Loki tried

 

“Why?”

 

Loki pulled his hand away and glared at Thor while his eyes shone with unshed tears. With his voice breaking, he said, “Because I am the most revolting person ever.”

 

Thor, hurt that Loki loathed himself, stood up and embraced the man he loved. “Do _not_ ever say that! I love you!”

 

Loki closed his eyes and, though his arms were shaking, embraced Thor. “Why?” he asked.

 

“Because you are the most beautiful person in this whole word.” Thor pulled away and cupped Loki’s face in his hands. As they stared at each other’s eyes, Thor’s thumbs rubbed against Loki’s cheeks while Loki’s tears continued to fall. Thor tried to rub every single droplet, but there were too many. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to see the emptiness in those gorgeous green eyes disappear.

 

Loki’s phone suddenly rang. It was the ring tone of Loki’s agent, and so Loki pushed Thor to the bed and ran to his bag that was on his desk. Thor, surprised, bounced on his bed as he stared at Loki who answered the phone with a cheerful, “Yes? Tony?”

 

Thor laid himself across the bed and watched Loki. From crying, Loki was smiling and his voice was fine again.

 

“Really? Great! I can be there! Yes! Yes!” said Loki. And Thor continued to listen. When Loki finished, he glared at Thor and said, “You did not even close your music.”

 

“Oops,” said Thor as he stretched his arms up in the air. “Sorry. I was too caught up with your conversation. Anyways, Canada? Number 1?”

 

“Yes, Thor, I’m flying to Canada next month for this conference. They invited me to speak. And my novel just reached number one again.”

 

Thor grinned as he stood up from the bed and opened his arms for Loki. “That’s amazing, love!” And Thor stood there with his arms open. Usually, Loki would walk into his arms, but Loki did not move. Loki just turned his back to Thor and gripped the edge of the desk. Something was wrong. Something was _terribly_ wrong.

 

The song changed. _Perfect,_ Simple Plan

 

_Hey dad look at me_

_Think back and talk to me_

_Did I grow up according to plan?_

_And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?_

_But it hurts when you disapprove all along_

 

Loki’s eyes widened and he stared at the stereo.

 

_And now I try hard to make it_

_I just wanna make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_Can't pretend that_

_I'm alright_

_And you can't change me_

 

Thor cleared his throat and Loki turned to him with his eyes still wide and panicking. Thor said, “Can I be honest? Every time you get your novel number one somewhere, I rejoice while you become rather…” he did not want to use any negative words like _strange, peculiar,_ or _weird,_ so he said, “quiet. Is there something wrong?”

 

Loki smirked and thought of whether or not he was going to be honest. Well, he could speak of his feelings without really explaining the events which led to those feelings. But he had problems with trust, and he constantly had nightmares of Thor becoming like his father.

 

“Loki?”

 

“You’re just going to be like him.”

 

Loki grabbed his bag and tried to leave, but Thor grabbed his wrist and begged, “Talk to me! Who are you talking about?”

 

Loki pulled his hand from Thor and screamed, “My father!” Then, he ran. Thor ran after him, and he caught Loki in the living room. He grabbed Loki’s bag and threw it to the armchair, then he threw Loki to the sofa and pushed Loki’s wrists by Loki’s head to keep Loki still. But Loki struggled, however, Thor was stronger. And they did not stop until another song played from Thor’s stereo.

 

_Demons,_ Imagine Dragons

 

_When you feel my heat_

_Look into my eyes_

_It’s where my demons hide_

_It’s where my demons hide_

_Don’t get too close_

_It’s dark inside_

_It’s where my demons hide_

_It’s where my demons hide_

 

Loki stopped struggling and stared into Thor’s eyes looking for Thor’s own demons. But he could not find anything. Instead, he just saw his reflections staring back at him, and he had numerous of those demons haunting his very soul.

 

“Thor, you do not know me,” he said as his eyes gleamed with those tears of his. “I told you before that I will take you to hell. Don’t wait for that to happen. Let me leave.”

 

“Why do you hate yourself so much?” Thor frowned. “You believe that you are a demon, but you are not!”

 

“I am not kind!”

 

“In what way?” Thor almost screamed. “Yes, I admit that I never read any of your books, but you have received awards recently and you wouldn’t be receiving awards if you weren’t doing something good for this world! And do you think that I do not know what you do?”

 

Loki stared in honest confusion.

 

“Yes, keep pretending to be this rebellious bastard who does not give a shit. I’ve seen your interviews and I’ve read reviews about you and your books. You _do_ give a shit! Why don’’t you want to show it in your personal life? Why won’t you let me love you?”

 

Loki bit his quivering lips as he cried. He has never felt so weak before. He despised crying, especially if it was to Thor.

 

“I’ve seen your finances notebook. Twenty-five percent for necessities, twenty-five percent for investments, twenty-five percent for bills, five percent for you and twenty percent for charity. That is why you are so thin, and that is why you never once thought of changing a lot of your furniture,” some of which were broken already. “But, despite it all, you pretend as if you’re this big ass. Why do you think that way?”

 

Loki closed his eyes. He did not want to open up. He did not want Thor to know. He did not want Thor to know him as weak. He did not want Thor to worry.

 

“Tell me, Loki!”

 

“I grew up different from everybody, ok!” shouted Loki as he turned his head away, his eyes still closed. “I was quiet and always thinking! I wanted to bring a change! I wanted to see children smile! And the people around me were different! All they thought about was having fun, superficial fun! None of them could see that they were all dark in the side!” Loki wanted to say that he was physically, verbally, and emotionally abused, but he could not say it. “Instead, they called me crazy! They called me mean, evil, manipulative, and shit! I was just a child, but they laughed at me when I said that I wanted to save the rainforests.” A sad smirk played against Loki’s lips. “What was there to laugh about? I was a child with innocent dreams. In the media, in the news, we praise people with those dreams. But in our walking life, we laugh at them because they are different. Most of the people in this damned world do not want to open their eyes to the crisis of the world, and they do not want to open their eyes to their own chaos. People become alcoholics because of subconscious problems. People commit suicide because of hidden chaos. People are violent because of the scars of their past. And I saw those people, but, for them, they were normal because they all thought of having _fun_ while turning a blind eye to their problems and thus the problems of the world. Problems that need to be fixed. But, tell me, Thor,” he looked at his lover, “is their fun real or just a mask? Who is wearing the masks, me or them? When I was a child, it was them. These masks were not brought to me when I was a child, no, I looked for them.”

 

And since Loki did not explain his story, Thor was confused. However, his heart was trembling because of the emotions beneath Loki’s words. He wanted to know, though, “Who called you those names? Who made you feel unwanted?”

 

“My family,” said Loki. “That’s why I don’t believe in love and trust.”

 

Sadness spread across Thor’s face as his own tears threatened to fall. However, he _did_ believe in love and trust. And he wanted Loki to, at least, love and trust him even he hated the world. “Loki, please, I beg you, let me love you. If you don’t believe in it, let me show it to you.”

 

Loki closed his eyes and turned his head to the side, exposing his neck to Thor. Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself. When Thor’s lips touched his pale neck, he gasped.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a short chapter compared to chapter 1~

Both shirtless, Thor carried Loki in his arms wherein the smaller man complained and tried to push Thor away, shouting, “I am no woman, you oaf!”

 

Thor grinned. “Does not matter. I want to love you, Loki.”

 

Loki closed his eyes and turned away, his cheeks turning into a beet red as he let himself be carried to the bed in the bedroom where Thor gently laid him on his back before closing the door. It made Loki scoff and say, “It’s not like you have any other people in this apartment.”

 

“Does not matter,” said Thor. He reached for his cellphone on the desk and looked through the songs in his iTunes. As Loki watched him, Thor changed the playlist into the one that had some slow, romantic love songs. And how thankful he was that he made that playlist. Something sensual and romantic, something to seduce and make love with. Something that he knew Loki would enjoy.

 

_Your Song, Elton John_

 

_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside_

_I'm not one of those who can easily hide_

_I don't have much money but boy if I did_

_I'd buy a big house where we both could live_

 

Loki tucked his knees to his chest and sadly watched Thor. Thor who was confident. Thor who loved him. Thor. Just Thor. Thor who he loved.

 

Thor put the cellphone down by the speakers and walked to the windows which he closed before pulling the curtains to cover them from the outside world, a romantic, peaceful darkness falling upon them. “If you don’t want this, tell me,” he said as he looked at Loki. He has imagined doing this to Loki for months already, but he was waiting for the right time because, though Loki wasn’t revealing anything, he had a gut feeling that Loki was inexperienced and unsure.

 

Loki looked down. He was scared. Not of physical touch, but of love. It was something that was always rather twisted in his head, something that he feared yet wanted for it could tear him apart.

 

_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no_

_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show_

_I know it's not much but it's the best I can do_

_My gift is my song and this one's for you_

 

Loki slowly faced Thor. Tears were in his eyes and Thor just watched, solemnly, as those tears stayed strong and refused to fall, the very same way that Loki has refused to fall, always crawling and struggling to stand despite everything.

 

“Thor, sorry for how I’ve been acting. I just had a rough past, and I know that you want answers, but… It’s hard for me to speak. Let’s just not talk about what happened. I’ll try to be happy. Please, just don’t ever mention what happened.”

 

Thor hesitantly took a step forward, his hair falling across his eyes. “But, Loki, it’s your family. I want to help you.”

 

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_

_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_

_I hope you don't mind_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

 

“No!” Loki shouted. “I don’t want to talk about it! If you want me, then just want me and not them! If you love me, you would help me forget them!”

 

A sad, forlorn smile came across Thor’s face. He adored the idea of family, and he loved his. He could not even imagine having to live with someone who hated family, but he loved Loki. He needed to know, though, “Is there a chance?”

 

“For what?” Loki sneered and hugged his legs closer to his chest.

 

“For…”

 

Loki looked at his toes. He was still barefoot, and he laughed because he almost walked out on Thor earlier without any shoes. And that’s what he loved about Thor. Thor made him free to show his emotions, free to be alive. And he knew exactly what Thor was talking about.

 

_I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss_

_Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross_

_But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song_

_It's for people like you that keep it turned on_

 

“Thor, you love family. I hate it. I hate the very idea of it.” Loki shrugged. “I ran away from home wanting to get away from them because I couldn’t stay there anymore. And that’s why I dropped out of college.”

 

Thor stayed quiet but he did walk towards Loki. He has always wondered why Loki sounded so educated, but always wondered why Loki worked as a waiter. Since he was a writer, Thor expected that Loki could have become an editor with his intelligence. The question, however, was always, _Why?_

 

Loki continued. “I hate the idea of having a family because I’m scared, but…” Loki bit his lip and nervously looked at Thor as he said the words that felt like fire to his tongue. “I want to be part of your family. Even if your family does not like me, as long as you do.”

 

_So excuse me forgetting but these things I do_

_You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue_

_Anyway the thing is what I really mean_

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen_

 

Those words truly did touch Thor’s big heart as the dismayed smile turned into a delighted one. With steps so light and careful, he walked even closer to Loki who just hugged his legs tighter. But Thor didn’t want him to be scared anymore. No, he wanted Loki to be loved. So he took Loki’s hands and kissed the wrists with a gentleness that he has never given anyone before.

 

“Stop it,” said Loki as he stared at Thor while his face was turning red again. “I am a fucking guy. I have a dick not a cunt. I don’t need to be treated like a fucking porcelain doll. Just treat me like a guy, Thor. I can handle a rough fucking,” though he has never done it before.

 

“But I don’t want to fuck you,” said Thor as he pushed Loki to the bed. With such smooth ease, he hovered over Loki who gulped and looked away. Having Thor above him always made him feel weak, vulnerable, but also safe, as if the man would shield him from all the demons in the world including his own. Leaning down, Thor placed a soft kiss on Loki’s jaw and whispered, “I want to love you. I want to worship every part of your body, caress it with kisses, and burn you with passion until you’re screaming my name.”

 

“Oh, Thor…” Loki bit his lower lip then covered his mouth with his hand, but Thor quickly snatched that hand away.

 

“Don’t hide anything,” said Thor as he kissed Loki’s wrist again. “I want _all_ of you. I want to see you and hear you. Also, I want to taste you.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against Loki’s collarbone, sensually dragging his tongue up to Loki’s ear. Loki shuddered. Never has Thor done that before. Yes, Thor has given him some purple marks that lasted for days and Thor has tried to touch his chest, but that was it.

 

“Thor, don’t speak like that.”

 

Thor chuckled as his hand sensually roamed through Loki’s chest, his fingers sliding against perk nipples. “Why, my dear? Am I not allowed to speak like a poet like you?”

 

Loki groaned and looked away. Rolling his eyes, he said, “It does not suit you.”

 

But it did not matter for Thor. Instead, he just kissed Loki, his tongue pushing into Loki’s mouth until they became lost in their own dance. Loki’s hands embraced Thor’s shoulders, but he, too, wanted to touch. So his hands wandered down Thor’s chest, his fingertips tracing the muscles that adored Thor’s body, his hands shaking as he continued to move down. When his hands reached Thor’s hips, he stopped. He has never done this before, and so he was, truly, scared. Excited, but, nonetheless, scared.

 

Thor pulled away and smiled down at Loki. With a voice so soft, he said, “It’s okay. I’m yours, Loki. Don’t be scared to touch me.” He took Loki’s hand and placed it over the bulge that was growing within his pants. And, though Loki blushed with excitement, his hand stiffened. He knew what he was supposed to do, but his lack of experience was empty.

 

“Thor…”

 

“It’s okay, Loki. Can I touch you, too?”

 

Loki looked up at Thor with wide eyes. He has never felt so unsure and so out of control before. He has ran away from home and was lost for months. He did not know what he was supposed to do then, and he was lost, but he was in control. Here, with Thor, he felt as if he wasn’t. He felt as if he was Thor’s to behold, and, with their relationship, Loki has never felt so unsure. It was unsettling, but liberating. As if, for once, he could truly, _honestly,_ let go. No more control. No more thoughts. Just close your eyes and get lost. So Loki’s eyelids fell, almost closing as his lashes batted in a seductive way. It made Thor growl, and Thor’s pants tightened around his crotch when Loki said, “I am yours, Thor. I yield to you.”

 

Thor tried to control himself, he truly did, but his hands quickly found the zipper of Loki’s denims and pulled it down.

 

+++

 

_Can’t Help Falling in Love, Elvis Presley_

 

_Wise men say only fools rush in_

_but I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay_

_would it be a sin_

_If I can't help falling in love with you_

 

On his back, Loki turned his head to the side, his mouth falling because of a loud gasp. Pleasure was crawling up his body, and his hands were around the body hovering above him, his fingers digging into Thor’s shoulder blades. “Thor…” he moaned. “I… I can’t…”

 

Thor leaned to Loki and kissed the smaller man’s lips in a loving way, whispering, “Relax. I can wait. Tell me when you’re ready, then I’ll move.”

 

Loki closed his eyes and threw his head to the other side, his bangs sticking to his forehead due to the sweat. Small pearls of tears were forming at the corner of his eyes, but desire clouded his mind. “Thor… move… please.”

 

“I love you, Loki.”

 

+++

 

Loki’s eyes opened. He was alone on the bed. The curtains were still closed and the music was still playing, but Thor changed it to some relaxing nature sounds. It made Loki laughed. He told Thor that he enjoyed classical music and not nature sounds, but, apparently, nature sounds just stuck to Thor’s head. However, Loki did, honestly, found the sound of water rather refreshing.

 

“Thor, you oaf,” he said as he stood up from the bed. He was naked, and his body was sore. A lamp by the corner was illuminating the room, and Loki walked to the desk where there were pictures of Thor’s family, his parents, his siblings, even his cousins. On the other side were pictures of Thor’s friends. Thor loved his home, and he loved people. And Loki wondered why Thor, such a grand representation of the sun, would love him, someone who was as pale as the moon.

 

Loki shook his head and placed his hand against a portrait at the corner, a picture of Thor when he graduated college. He was holding up his degree, his cap slightly tilted to the right. Thor said that it truly was one of the best moments he has ever lived, but Loki couldn’t relate to it. He would always say that he despised school and he didn’t regret dropping out, didn’t regret running away, and that he didn’t have any plans to return to school until he was forty. However, a small part of him did regret it. He was once a member of numerous honour societies and he was included in the dean’s list. He was even a candidate for cum laude. Of course, he never told Thor that.

 

Loki’s finger traced Thor’s face which was grinning at the camera. In a way, Loki was envious. Thor had a beautiful family, a beautiful life. He, Loki, wanted that, but he wasn’t born into that. No. But, yes. He was born into a wealthy family deeply rooted in politics, but with it came the dark secrets and the hidden corruptions. He had to run away. He had to leave. He had to save himself. And there he was. All family ties destroyed, his books selling enough copies to keep him independent, and there was Thor, someone whose love was enough to burn away the pain that he has been harbouring.

 

“Fool,” said Loki as he rubbed a tear from his eye. His fingers traced Thor’s own eyes in the picture, and he made a promise. “Starting now on, I will not be affected. I will smile when something good happens instead of crying and thinking of my family. I will be happy. I won’t be depressed anymore. No more. All for you, Thor.” And he pushed all the dark, lonely thoughts into a box, throwing it to the corner of his head as he placed upon his face another mask of happiness. Though Loki was aware that it was emotionally dangerous, he didn’t mind, because that mask he wore wasn’t only a facade. It was real, all because of Thor.

 

The door opened. Loki turned towards it and saw Thor grinning in the same way that he was grinning in the picture. Thor said, “Babe, if you don’t wear any clothes soon, I might ravish you again.”

 

Loki smirked and eyed Thor’s naked chest that was in front of him. Thor was only wearing sweat pants, and Loki could smell food coming from the outside. Thor then looked at what Loki was looking at. When he saw the pictures, Thor’s smile somehow grew heavy. He promised Loki that he won’t mention family again, but he was tempted. He wanted Loki to heal, but he was no psychologist. He didn’t know how to open all the locked doors in a person’s head. He just knew how to love.

 

Loki, unabashed by his nakedness, walked towards Thor who was trying to look away. But Loki cupped Thor’s face and placed a kiss upon his lover’s lips.

 

Suddenly, Loki’s cellphone started to ring, its ringtone playing and serenading the couple. However, they both ignored it as Thor carried Loki and pushed him to the wall.

 

 

_Alive, Bo Bruce_

 

_No I didn't pray to God_

_No I never saw the light_

_No I didn't watch my life go flashing right before my eyes_

_No I didn't do the things that they all said that I would do_

_I just closed my eyes and all I saw was you_

 


End file.
